Monday, January 17, 2011

My Mack HAS to Be Male

Top Ten Reasons My Mack Has to Be Male:

10. The Freudiobvious implications of its 24 inch stick shift. I'll leave you to come up with the countless graphic cliches. Don't forget the nob.

9. His name is Mack. Duh.

8. My Mack is a big, powerful machine, but when he breaks even one little thing, he becomes a big baby that needs to be nursed along with lots and lots and lots (did I say lots?) of TLC.

7. I have to pretend to agree with him while I make him go where I want him to go. If I need to back the trailer to the left, I have to turn the wheel to the right. and vice versa. If I need to turn into a driveway on the right while towing the 48 footer, I had better take my Mack far to the left. Never mind that I'm blocking all the traffic behind me. My Mack is all about screwing the other drivers on the road.

6. He's all big and bad, but he needs a good woman to drive him.

5. He needs lubricant. Lots and varied kinds of lubricant.

4. He's obsessed with coupling ~ Butt connectors (no lie. butt connectors). Worried about glad hands and the possibility of kinking hoses? One website offers, "Nylon Composite gladhands with stainless steel connectors, urethane seals and brass nipple." Brass nipples. Hmmm. Only a male would find those advantageous. A prudent woman would think about the cost of clothing wear and tear.

3. His air cuts in with a sigh at about 85 psi; then it builds and crescendos, cutting out at around 120-135. Oh dear, such a dramatic release. BIG hiss and falling gauge. Sooo over the top.

2. And if he cuts out above 135, I'm supposed to contact his doctor.

And the number one reason my Mack couldn't possibly be a female ...

1. Want to know how my Mack works? He's totally explained in a book.

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